First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
