NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
