I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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