But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
