i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
