Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
this is an emotional support booty call
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
