A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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