He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The air taste purple.
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