last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
