I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
