Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
