Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
