Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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