I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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