Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
