i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
there is glitter all over my balls
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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