Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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