gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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