I could have mohawked her pubes.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
