I think my fart just growled at me.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
