oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
