your room smells of hookers.
And success
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
