Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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