guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
