i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
