the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
