i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
