I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
