the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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