Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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