He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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