Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
