I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
