He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
