Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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