I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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