Hey man sorry I got all grabby
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
