I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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