Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
