I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
