last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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