I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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