I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
