; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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