OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We are two peas in an std pod
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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