So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
