she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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