apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
