Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What drink are we having for lunch?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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