If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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