note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
