i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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