i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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