oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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